After The Harvest

Welcome To Holland

Matthew Alexander Holsten

It's taken me a long time to figure out how to write about Matthew coming into our lives. I've felt so overwhelmed about what to say and how to say it, that I just avoided it. I think I needed to meet him; to realize that I knew him during my pregnancy, because I didn't think I did. (More on that another time). Nevertheless, he's here! He's joined our family and now I'd like to try and get it all down. I'm starting with this essay. I don't know how well known it is, I only know that I read it years ago, long before I ever knew that one day I'd have a child with Down syndrome. Mostly I think it describes the experience perfectly (so far). But then I read it sometimes and have trouble with the pain part; having a child with Down syndrome is not something I want to feel sad about for the rest of my life. I don't think she's actually saying that, but the sadness part is complicated and real and has to be kept in perspective. So here it goes! Welcome to my new life--in Holland.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Isabella's Ramblings

After returning from getting her hair cut at SuperCuts, Isabella spys the mailman driving his mail truck down the street.

Isabella: What's the mailman doing?
Me: He's delivering the mail.
Isabella: NO. He's going to get a haircut, and THEN he's going to deliver the mail. Silly Isabella. Mailmans don't get haircuts.


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Isabella: Mama can we lie down on your bed and think about things?
Me: Sure. (we lie down and get cozy) What do you want to think about?
Isa: (Isa puts her hands behind her head and looks over at a print hanging above our bed, that has lemons on it)
Hmmm...Oranges!
Me: What do you think about oranges?
Isa: I think they're yellow and sour and...
Me: Don't you mean lemons?
Isa: Oh yes!
Me: And what can you make with lemons? (the print also has a picture of a glass of lemonade)
Isa: Apple pie!

Courthouse Drama

While I was in the hospital with Matthew, I received a summons for jury duty. By the time I sorted through my two weeks worth of mail and discovered said summons, it was too late for me to postpone or ask to be excused. On the day I was expected to begin my service, I decided to go to the courthouse in person with my brand new baby (proof!) and throw myself at the mercy of the court--how could they put me in the pokey if they took one look at cute Baby Matthew?

I expressed my idea of going to the courthouse out loud in front of Isabella, which was my first mistake. My second mistake was the one where my mom and I loaded everyone up in her car to head downtown to the courthouse before making the more rational decision to call the number listed on the summons and ask. When the operator informed me that they didn't even need me, and therefore I didn't have to go to the courthouse, Isabella was distraught. No visit to the courthouse? Where was the justice?! I tried to convince her that a trip to Target was far superior to seeing the courthouse. No! She begged to see the courthouse, to go inside and look around. (Secretly my pride oozed at the idea that my 3 year old had such sophisticated interests--even though she had no idea what a courthouse was). My mom and I looked at each other and decided to indulge her curiosity. Mom dropped us off outside the building and drove Baby Matthew around the block while we walked up the stairs and inside the foyer. Before us stood the metal detector and various staircases that led to places where "people worked". And there is was: The Courthouse.

The tour took all of 20 seconds. Isabella immediately squirmed her way out of my arms. It was time to go outside--and look for sticks. That's my girl.

All Set! A Short and Sweet Summer Recap...

We didn't do much this summer. In fact, we really did nothing and I LOVED it for that reason. After summer school ended, Mark was able to spend 4 weeks at home, just hanging out with us around the house. Isabella was his constant shadow. When she realized Mark was doing yard work out back, she ran around the to the front of the house, threw on a pair of boots, grabbed her mini shovel, and sprinted back around to the back yelling, "Ok Daddy, I'm all set!"
When she wasn't working in the yard, she was inventing new fashion trends...
We made several trips to Costco. Bored yet? Let me tell you Costco shopping was seriously one of the highlights (for me) on account of the fact that they have these electronic scooters. Since I'm to take it easy during my pregnancy, these little miracle machines allowed me to get out of the house for a good long stretch and just cruise.
We attended Mill Valley's Old Fashioned Picnic, celebrating the library's 100th b'day. Hot dogs and sody pop for a $1.00. Music, hula hoops, and 3 legged races. Good times.
Our friends the Whittons visited from Washington. Isabella and Naomi seemed to pick up right where they left off a year ago when we visited them in WA. So fun!
Nana took Isabella to her first feature length film: The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. I don't know if she thought she was going to see a movie or be in a movie judging by the way she dressed herself.
Back outside helping Mark change a flat tire. Engineer hat required.

Fireworks in 3 Acts

This was really the first year that Isabella got to see fireworks (the past two years she fell asleep before they started).

Act I: Anticipation

We sat in the cheap seats (the parking lot of a local elementary school) to watch the country club's fireworks show. Our friends, the Michie's showed up. The kids played on the playground until dark, ran through the sprinklers and then sat down in their chairs when the show was about to start.

Act II: The show begins. Uncertainty sets in.

Act III: Total fear.

Isabella spent the entire show in Mark's arms. Later, she wouldn't even watch them on TV. She

hid under a blanket. We'll try again next year.

What Happens When Nana is Away...(Video)

My mom is visiting family back East. We miss her. :)

P.S. If you've subscribed to the blog email, click on the blue title in the email you get. It's a link that will take you to the video.